What is Love??

I’m having a hard time coming to understand how someone could lower their self worth for someone who treats him or her like an option. Lucky for me I have the most perfect man in my life; he treats me like a Princess, and always puts me first.

I view girls all the time who post about the terrible men in their lives, yet the keep returning to them. Just a few months ago an acquaintance on Facebook posted about her “Cheating” husband, she continued on about how he was worthless, abusive, and a terrible person. After a few weeks past she moved on, while still legally married, as he did exploring other options. Now she is posting pictures with him and referring to him as her “Husband” again.

I’m confused…??? Why would you say one minute about how abusive he is, and then go on months later about how you love him and act like all your previous posts never existed.

Now its obvious this girl already has issues because she posts all her most intimate details on Facebook, so returning to an allegedly “abusive” man is not out of left field for this female. All that being said it brings about a good point: Why does anyone get back with a person who treats them so terribly?

I have a hard time understanding why people continue in relationships that are poisonous. Don’t get me wrong, I look back on old relationships and say “what was I thinking,” but I can at least come to that conclusion. I feel like girls lower themselves for a “LOVE” that has no benefit except the idea that there is someone “important” in their lives. If I’ve learned anything from previous mistaken relationships, it is that I’m glad I didn’t waste any more time with them than I did.

I would hate to be with a guy for 3 years and realize he was a jerk, but continue to be with him for another 4 and look back at all the wasted time behind you. In my opinion this would lead someone to feeling like “Since I already wasted seven years on this person I may as well stick around..” To think a whole life could be wasted and when you reach your late 30s you are looking at divorce and having to start a whole new life at an older age. DON’T miss out on growing old with someone who is worth your time, don’t waste it with someone you will regret 15 years down the road!

A reminder for everyone out there:

-       There ARE more and BETTER fish in the SEA!

-       Good people do exist

-       You do not deserve to be treated as anything less than a Princess! Or Prince…

-       You should be with someone who makes you happy, not someone you feel obligated to stay with.

-       If you don’t see a future with someone don’t waste time in the present or you’ll look back and regret your past!

I'm Engaged!!!! (And I went to Texas....)

After spending three years with my amazing boyfriend it has finally happened, he proposed! As of Friday last week I am engaged, and working on planning a wedding. It makes me so happy to finally call Matt my Fiancé and future husband.

Last week Matthew and I spent my Spring Break in Houston Texas exploring the sights and eating lots of new food! (My favorite!) After a long week of traveling around the Houston area and catching up with an old friend we took the day Friday to spend at the Houston Zoo. Matt had it all planned out, he purchased the tickets ahead of time, and even purchased some tickets to take a tour of the elephant exhibit. (If you’re new here I am OBSESSED with elephants…)

After meeting, feeding, and petting some elephants we left to take a photo in front of the exhibit. After the first photo snapped Matt turned to me, pulled out the ring and knelt down in front of me. I sprung quite the leak. I began bawling my eyes out and shaking like a leaf. He grabbed my hand and after a short speech he asked me to marry him. I couldn’t have been more excited to start this new chapter with some of earths most amazing creatures standing close by.

Our friend Danny accompanied us on this adventure and took roughly 200 photos of the entire proposal. I stitched them together on an app so it looks like a slightly speedier, and silent, version of what actually happened. I don’t know that I can post it here on blog spot, but I’ll post it to the PerfectlyPink&ParticularlySassy facebook page if anyone is interested to see my bright red face and shaking stature.

I’m beyond overjoyed with the engagement ring, it is everything I ever wanted, and the best part is my sister made it for me. She recently moved to Florida, got married, and is pregnant with her first child. I’m so grateful she was able to create and put together the ring of my dreams. I seriously fall in love with it more and more each and every time I look at it. It has three princes cut diamonds, white gold band, and on the inside our initials are engraved alongside our favorite quote “Forever and Always.” She also put one of her signature design ideas in there as well, under the diamonds on the inner rim is my future last name “Paul.” This ring glimmers so beautifully, I couldn’t be more excited that I am able to hold onto this amazing piece of jewelry for the rest of my life.

Besides the engagement I got to visit a brand new city in a state I’ve never stepped foot into. I absolutely loved the warm weather and gained a new obsession for Whataburger! It was great to spend time with our friend, and share in this new adventure together after traveling thousands of miles by car trying and finding ways to keep entertained for two days.

I got to experience a really awesome new restaurant I never heard of until Matt told me about it. On our second day driving down into Texas we dropped by a one of a kind restaurant called “Lamberts Café.” The specialty of Lamberts is they throw your rolls at you from across the room, and share some seriously delicious southern home cooking. They have three locations; we stop at the Missouri location, Sikeston. The food was AMAZING, and I got to try fried okra for the first time, I’m pretty obsessed with it.

            Once we were in Texas the first few days we went to Galveston to see the beach, and got to see some interesting sites like the infamous Buckees Gas Station. It appears to be an average gas station with a cute beaver… or chipmunk… on the sign, but it is quite the tourist attraction on the inside. It was like a glorified souvenir shop that sold coffee and gasoline. We also took some time to visit surrounding suburbs in Houston to see if anything was appealing for future living. We both agreed Pearland TX is a place we want to possibly reside in after we get married and begin our lives together.

            This trip was one of a kind, and the best way I could have spent my last spring break of my college career. Now I’m going to continue finishing up school and begin the wedding planning.  I’m so excited to begin my life with Matthew, roughly one year from now we will hopefully be married. Fingers crossed I’m not a total bridezilla!!!

Ooopsie!!!! Again...?

Why is Birth Control such a complex idea? Why is it difficult to understand that sexual intercourse leads to making a child? Why do people think they are immune to accidents?

I’m finding it difficult to understand why people think they are exempt from biology. People are taught in school, as early as 6th grade, that sexual intercourse can lead to pregnancy if precautions are not taken. There are commercials for condoms, birth controls, and Plan B options on almost every channel! It absolutely baffles me that people are so shocked when they get pregnant after they only implement the “Pull OUT” method. (Worst method ever).

So that being said there are still those people who use contraceptive incorrectly, or they may be part of that 1% ineffective rate. So if someone has an “Accident” wouldn’t you expect them to learn from that accident? Like begin taking double the precautions as usual? (PS double precaution is not wearing two condoms at once… that will result in tearing quicker than wearing one.) Taking a high dose birth control pill (and taking it regularly) along with using condoms would be better than just one option if you are someone who already has one unplanned child.

I never quite understand how people manage to have multiple “oopsie” kids (especially with multiple partners)…. The worst part is that the people who are having all these kids are those who can’t afford themselves, let alone multiple little mouths to feed. It really baffles me the idea that people are okay to bring children into the world on food stamps and welfare.

I have so much respect for couples who plan having children, or at  least those who are well off enough to not be struggling before realizing they will now tack on 10,0000+ dollars a year for the next 18 years. It may seem a bit ridiculous to expect that children should be brought into the world by two loving parents (regardless of sexual orientation). People these days are so careless about their sex lives, their offspring are left to suffer with struggling parents who cannot afford the clothes on their own backs.

I realize accidents happen, and there are unfortunate situations, but there are options for that… Keeping the child in your care is not always the best option. There are tons of loving gay couples who are dying to bring a child into their families and cannot, due to lack of “resources.” I would much prefer seeing all these accidental pregnancies turn into blessings for families who have the means to take care of the child, rather than the child knowing first world hunger and dirty hand-me-downs.     

I know there will be a lot of single mothers who will disagree with these sentiments, but I have made it clear I intend to say how I feel regardless of who I offend. (Sorry not Sorry). Some single moms can pull through and create a decent life for their children, but there are more who are unable to pull through and turn it around.

College with curfews and no drinking?

In approximately nine weeks I will officially be a college graduate… It’s almost too good to be true, and extremely exciting. College is what you make of it, and there is just as much learning done outside the classroom as there is inside. We learn about ourselves as we begin to take on this new journey of life. New experiences introduce themselves and we make tons of mistakes along the way. The important thing to note is that we are allowed to make our own decisions and break away from our homes and our parents. We no longer have curfews, rules, or bedtimes. We are allowed to drink every night of the week, skip classes, and sleep over in a boys room if we choose.

I feel that it is extremely important to be able to have those experiences, make those mistakes, and grow in an environment where we can learn about ourselves. Luckily I had that opportunity attending Ball State University, but I have found that not everyone goes to such liberal colleges. I understand those who want to attend private colleges for religious reasons, but I do not agree with those colleges choice to treat their paying customers, who are adults, like children.

My boyfriends younger siblings attend a Christian University, and their rules are rather strict. They have 12am curfews on weeknights and 1 am on weekends… my Universities library closes at 3 am on weeknights… No one of the opposite sex is allowed in their dorm rooms, so definitely no overnight guests. and on top of all that the campus of this school is located in a dry county, there is no alcohol sold anywhere near the school.

Not to incriminate myself but I spent the first three mornings in my dorm hung over a trashcan nursing a hangover from hell.  I feel that a large part of college culture is to go to parties to drink then wake up and go to your classes tired and hungover. Now that I am a bit older I do not enjoy drinking or partying, especially on school nights, but I was able to make that choice myself, no one made it for me! At a school like the one my future brother and sister in law go to are not allowing their students much free will.

I could never imagine going to a college where they monitor me like a child. If I wanted to be told what to do and have a watchful eye over me at all times I would have stayed home and went to community college. I understand that the college life is not ideal for everyone to experience, but it should definitely be something where one can make their own choices. If a school holds all these strict standards how will students be able to learn from their mistakes. My University has alternative events to keep kids from drinking, and they offer information for safe sex practices; in other word they make sure to provide good environments for those who choose to participate. Besides events to keep students from drinking they understand we are going to go to parties, hook up, and feel poorly about it later. Because they know we will screw up and make our own decisions  they provide free HIV testing and condoms so we can be safe when we go make our mistakes.

It is important that colleges inform us about what is out there, but they shouldn’t forcibly keep us away. I truly believe that if we want to learn from something that we have to make our own mistakes, we cannot just take someone else's word for it. I realize that not everyone shares my view, but I wouldn’t change my college experience for a place that treats me like a high schooler.

Elephants Never Forget!

        So that’s the saying, “Elephants never forget.” If you’re new here you’ll know that I love these beastly mammals and think they are pretty darn majestic. They are amazing creatures, and are said to never forget because they always remember where their family is, and where they came from. So basically this post is leading to the idea that I am similar to an elephant, not in size…. But in how I ALWAYS remember.

            It would be too easy for me to sit here and make the measly connection that “I am like an elephant for the fact I know who my family is and I can always go back to them.” If anything, it is almost simpler than that, I literally just never forget things. The issue is that, although I never forget, I tend to remember all the negative things that have happened in my life. Obviously it is unhealthy to hold on to things that are negative, or that make us feel poorly about the past, but I promise I do not do this on purpose. 

            It’s amazing what abilities the human mind has to remember, and in my case dwell on. I don’t feel the need to sit here and go through all the negative things my mind possesses. I’m definitely not going to say “I want to change and leave the past in the past!” Truth is, all the negative things in my past have taught me lessons, and regardless if I made the mistakes myself I really have learned from them. A lot of times people wish they could change things that happened, go back and stop from dating that loser, or studying for a test. Reality is I would not be where I am today if all the negative things hadn’t happened in my life. Life is far from perfect now, but I have a hard time imagining it differently.

            One thing I can say is that I feel like my past really shaped me as a person, and I don’t think I would change it. I prefer to make use of what life teaches me, not get upset and turn to drugs or alcohol. Maybe that makes me stronger than others who choose a path that leaves sobriety in the dust, or maybe it makes me stuck up for thinking drugs are stupid. Whatever it means I’m glad I’ve taken the paths I did. So even though I have a hard time forgetting, and the thoughts I do remember weight on me, they weigh on me for a reason. It’s because I’m busy holding myself up that I am able to ignore all the dark paths that present themselves to me.

            On a more, or less, interesting note (depending how you see it) I feel like I will take the time to list some random events that I remember. Although not fun events, they are also not the ones that dwell on me these days.

 

                  -When I was in the sixth grade I was getting off the bus and accidently hit a girl with my backpack as I was walking down the aisle, she proceeded to yell to me “YOU BITCH.”  It’s not that big of a deal, but it was the first day of middle school….really set the tone. I just thought about that randomly the other day and found it funny.

                 -When I was in the seventh grade, in science class, this kid named Sean (I do remember his last name… just won’t share it) made me want to cry. I yawned REALLY HARD and apparently that created quite the double chin because he whispered my name and mimicked me while pointing out this lovely fact about my “weight”… 

                -FIFTH GRADE we had to make a poster board about a planet and talk about why you should come visit, as if it were a destination. So my planet was the SUN, my tagline that I came up with (ALL BY MYSELF I MUST ADD) was along the lines of  “Come visit the Sun and get a great tan!” (AWESOME RIGHT!) so this Adrianne girl stops as she is walking by my poster and say *leaning over putting her hand on her chest*”ARE YOU SAYING IM PALE?” I was so thrown off I just cowered and said “no…” but now I have many things I wish I would have said… But it was only fifth grade. 

              -Roughly 8^th grade I was with one of my best friends at the time and talking about a guy who I liked and supposedly liked me. I think she forgot she was talking to me, because she began to talk about me. She actually said to me (NO JOKE) “Yeah I was talking to him and was like ‘Why do you even like her she has like no boobs’” so this is annoying because she told me to my face that she was talking about me. It was like she forgot who I was. Now I was only 13 and the comment itself really didn’t make me all that mad, just threw me off that she talked crap to me about me…. 

             -Seventh grade again (ROUGH TIMES) this kid Connor (short little dbag) made a rude comment about my early onset of acne…. He continued to tell me “My brother has some proactive if you want me to bring it to you!” That set me into an emotional teenage breakdown. Now I look back and laugh because my face cleared up in time, but at 22 he’s making pizzas, and selling (what I assume is stolen) electronics over facebook. (Sucks to have peaked in middle school…)

 

         So I took the time to list these for a good laugh, but also to show how much random crap I remember, and how something that looks like a harmless act of bullying can stick with someone for YEARS. The things above don’t bother me, but I can guarantee kids hear similar things and those things stick with them and bother them for years on end. It really goes to show how powerful our minds are. It also shows how mean kids were in middle school. It may be funny to me now, but then it was far from laughable.  ​

Miss Crème if you’re nasty!

Today I spent some time scanning through the YouTube app on my Apple TV looking for something interesting to watch. I decided to catch up on one of my favorite drag stars and seasons six’s Miss Congeniality, Ben De La Crème! Benjamin Putnam, also known as Ben De La, De La, and most of all Ben De La Crème, stole my heart with her story as well as her comedic genius. I absolutely loved her performance in “Shade the Rusicle” and she had me second guessing her real identity during the “Snatch Game.”

His story really touched me when he spoke on his early years, growing up as the “weird, fat, gay kid” and losing his mother when he was very young. Although I still have my mother she has gone thought quite a bit and I couldn’t imagine my life without her, especially as a huge support system. In my personal opinion, and one that Ben may agree with, I feel that his character is a peppy representation of the mother he lost at such a young age. De La has quite a way with Drag, and I still have issues with Ru’s choice to send her home before the final four. In my opinion she should have been in the top three alongside Bianca and Adore. (Sorry Courtney, it is America’s next drag superstar… not Australia’s!)  

Either way, I took some time today to research some of her drag in the clubs that she wasn’t able showcase during the airing of season six. If you haven’t seen some of her stage stuff I highly recommend looking it up on YouTube, even if you do not know who she is you will be in for a treat. I loved her rendition of Beyoncé’s “Partition,” she goes through the cast list and shares some zingy one liner’s that only die hard Drag Racer will understand! (Dani Brown… that’s you!! Although you probably saw her sing it live! Lol ) She also did an interesting version of an Alyssa Edwards (Season 5)  impersonation! HYSTERICAL “I don’t get cute, I get DROP DEAD GORGEOUS!” She also did an interesting/modern and comical take, on “The Little Mermaid.”

Obviously I watched the show, so I know how funny she is, taking down Bianca as a puppet

is NO easy task, but De La does it with ease. She absolutely earned her title as Miss Congeniality, and she deserves so much more. She’s one to look out for, and I hope if they do a second season of All Stars she will be a participant. She is one queen who keeps her personal self and Drag self completely separate. The second she slips into her high heels she becomes this character that is completely unrecognizable from her boy self.  She melts my heart with her campy costumes and “Terminally Sweet” personality. I want so badly to meet her, as well as various other queens, but she is my next conquest for the person I HAVE to MEET!

http://bendelacreme.com/

Are your problems really that bad??

There is a big difference between being put in unfortunate situations, and situations you put yourself into. In other words, if you put yourself into negative situations, that is your fault. Some people genuinely don't choose their misfortunes.

This may sound a bit pretentious, but I strongly believe people don't quite understand how good they have it. Even I know that the misfortunes I have been through haven't been the worst thing anyone has ever endured. But the difference between me and other people is that I understand I'm not going through the worst. My life is easy compared to most people's.  

I've never struggled with parents who neglected me, I was never bullied for my sexuality, I've never had to live in a shelter. I know how lucky I am. My past was not perfect, but what bothers me most about my past are things I had no control over. I've never done drugs, I've never been to rehab for choices I could have avoided, and I've never been 16 and pregnant. 

Struggles I've endured include my parents divorce, my mother becoming disabled, and my stepfather walking out on my mother and I. I've had my life shaken to its core, and it weighs on me, some things get to me more often than I would like, but I didn't ask for any of those things to happen. 

What I have a hard time trying to understand are people who complain that their life is hard when they put themselves in their situations and ask for it. If you choose to have unprotected sex you're at risk of pregnancy and putting yourself, and your child, at risk for a difficult life if you are not a stable adult. I see girls who have several kids they cannot afford and expect slack from those around them. These are the consequences, and people seem to think they are exempt from struggle because they don't deserve it. They may not ask for it, they may not deserve it, but they sure has hell could have avoided it. 

People who do drugs and spend ALL of their money on God knows what, shouldn't be mad when they are getting evicted from their place of living. You chose to spend your money in a irresponsible way. No one has to give you hand outs. 

If you drop out of High School and have difficultly finding a job, that is your fault. I honestly can say that "High School is NOT HARD!" Yeah we can be handed struggles along the way, but sometimes we have to push through them. 

If you're too lazy to do your class work and have to retake a class, or a year of school, that is YOUR FAULT! No one held you down and said "don't do your homework, don't study!" You decided it wasn't important enough to put your time into. 

People like to complain they don't deserve what they have been handed in life, but in my opinion there are plenty who ask for their misfortunes. 

I was watching season 5 of RuPaul's Drag race and two contestants, both in the top three, managed to change situations they did not ask for. Roxxxy Andrews and Jinkxs Monsoon both had difficult mothers who changed their childhood. Yet both queens were able to put their energy into something positive that they loved and they came out on top. 

Same show season 4, Phi Phi O'hara and Sharon Needles. Phi Phi grew up not being accepted by her father, but she pushed on and worked hard. Sharon was bullied relentlessly in school for her sexuality and being different, and she went on to win it all that season. 

People can change their misfortunes, but it is important to note that these last four examples didn't ask for what they got, yet they rose above it. 

If someone who was dealt these awful cards could rise above, what does that say for people who put themselves in a hole?

I understand my life will go on, I try not to get hung up on things I cannot change, they won't affect my future directly, and I can do better. But the best part of my predicament is knowing that it wasn't my fault! Knowing that I couldn't fix it sucks, but I wasn't the reason it brought me down either. 

How can those who put themselves in these situations blame others for where they ended up? You control you, and you need to make the changes necessary to fix your mistakes. Don't rely on others to pick you up. 

On another note I don't see how someone whose parents pay for everything, and allow them to do what they want can complain over little things that happen to them. Some individuals know how to turn a mole hill into a mountain. 

An example of this was a girl I knew my freshman year who complained about her parents being difficult and not understanding her. This girl also had more pairs of UGG boots than most have shoes in general. Her parents gave her money whenever she needed it, and she probably doesn't even pay for the gas in her car, let alone her school tuition. Yet she made her parents out to be terrible people. Her biggest worry should be her personality, not her parents. 

It almost seems as though the more you have in life the smaller your problems actually are. 

Regardless of your problems it is important to remember there is always someone going through something 100 times worse.