The Loss of Life

This post is very hard to write, and I do so with a heavy heart. 

Let me start off by saying this post is very personal, and may not mean much to anyone reading it, but I'm sure it can resonate with you in one way or another. 

Today as I was finishing up some school work, and about to get started on another paper I stopped to take a break and scroll through Facebook. The first thing on my timeline was a photo my cousin posted of her and our Great Uncle Ray. I was immediately stricken with sadness as I read the post she had attached. 

I immediately BROKE down into tears, picked up my phone and dialed my cousin. She answered with such sadness in her voice. All I could mutter through my sobs was "what happened?" She told me that he had a heart attack in his front yard... 

Our conversation was short because I was sobbing, and she had been cried out, so we said our I love you's and hung up. 

I am thankful he had a very good life. I am even more thankful that I was able to see him quite recently. I just wish I would have known that was the last time I would see him. I was able to see him during my recent visit to New Jersey last month. We sat with my dad, grandfather, and boyfriend to share a few pizza's for my birthday lunch. I will forever cherish the conversation shared that day. I am also very happy that my boyfriend was able to meet him. 

Let me make some quick connections for everyone. As you read in my cousins post, she asks that he say hi to Grandma. Our grandmother, our Dad's mom, passed away when we were six. Her and our Uncle Ray were siblings. My Grandma passed away the day after my sixth birthday from cancer. Although I was very young that was by far one of the most difficult days of my entire life. Losing her was very hard, and growing up knowing I missed out on so much of her is painful to think about. 

October 18th was exactly 16 years since she passed, and I was lucky to have visited her this year. It was by far a difficult day, I stood in front of her plot and broke down. I know she is in a much better place, but the selfish side of me can't help but to hurt that I missed time with her. My youngest cousin was three during her passing, so she has even less memory than her sister and me. Grandma's passing still gets to me quite often, but I'm glad that she will be there as my uncle joins her and they are finally reunited after sixteen years apart. 

Rest In Peace,

Grandma and Uncle Ray

I love and miss you both with all of my heart.