"Sooooo..... WHAT ARE WE??"

I’m sitting here watching Hulu, trying the new series of Real World “Skeletons.” I’m only two episodes in and it’s pretty dramatic. I’m not a super fan of this show, it’s clear people turn into raging idiots when they drink too much. Regardless, part of this show prompted this post about the “NEEDY GIRL!”

My college roommate and I call these girls the “'what are we???’ Girls.” Basically these are girls who the second they start talking to a guy, just barely past flirting, strike up the whole “So what are we” BS. They aren’t even talking to the guy for more than a week and expect some type of exclusive relationship.

I understand how it can get difficult spending every day with someone and not putting a title on your relationship. These girls are the types who will text you for a week, have occasional hook ups, and then ask the annoying question… “SO WHAT ARE WE.”  I use to be “friends” with a girl like this, and it was beyond stressful. If a guy doesn’t want to commit after a week he isn’t a jerk. If you ditch ever guy who doesn’t commit right away you may miss out on finding a great relationship.

These types of females are also the kind who gets annoyed when the guy they like shows ANY attention to another female. They feel so betrayed if their “hook up” isn’t seeing them as a priority. They see themselves as the center of the world, and they  have issues not being a priority.

After being with my Fiancé for three and a half years I am beyond thankful that he and I were friends first. There wasn’t a rush of romance when we met, as a matter of fact we were friends for two years before we even started to fall for one another. When relationships start off in a lustful situation they tend to lack foundation and begin to crumble before anything can be built up.

Another note to make in any relationship: If you start a relationship by making a person leave their current partner for you, the chance is they will also leave you for someone else.  Why would you want to be a side chick/dude? What makes you think they will be faithful if they ever put your butt on the starting line up? I know it’s super cliché, but once a cheater always a cheater.

We all sin differently: Josh Duggar and TLCs 19 Kids and Counting.

So I have this list that I put down ideas for posts that I want to eventually get to when I’m feeling inspired. About a year ago I put “19 Kids and counting” on my list of topics. I’ve gone back and forth with how I feel about the show, and the morals of the family. Now that this whole controversy came about and there is no need to explain the show, I feel this would be the perfect time to post on the topic.

I’m going to start on the show itself, and move into the news that has come about concerning Josh Duggar and his alleged molestation accusations.  Just for reference I have seen the interview on the “Kelly Factor” (FOX news…. I know..) and this post is 100% my opinion.

So I have only seen a few episodes of the show, mainly out of curiosity, and I do not agree with the way they live their lives. I feel that having that many kids can be detrimental to the growth of the children, and their ability to find their way in life. (Clearly I wasn’t far off with the current issue that has arisen.) I also have issue with their rules towards courting (dating). Only side hugs, no holding hands till engaged, and no kissing till marriage. It’s whatever with the whole “No sex till marriage,” that’s more preference, but I feel the rest is a bit over the top. Honestly it’s their life, and they can live it how they choose. AND DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THE FACT THEY ALL HAVE J NAMES! That might cause identity issues when you have to figure out which kid is named what with 19 of them running around….

As far as the children go I don’t see how they can gain a true education being homeschooled with that many kids of varying ages being instructed by one woman who must also act as a parent. I don’t feel their education is going to be similar to those who attend school, or even those who are of a family of 5 or smaller who do choose to homeschool. I’m not against homeschooling; I just don’t see it as being a productive learning experience when there is so much going on in one home.

Because there is so many kids there is no way each child is getting enough one on one time with their parents, and they are unable to build those bonds. That being said there is a lot of relying on the older children to help raise the younger ones, something that shouldn’t be done (in my opinion). 

Because Michelle Duggar (the mother) has had so many children she lost the last one she tried to deliver. I’m guessing this is due to the fact her body is older and she can no longer give the proper nutrients to a growing fetus as she did during her 1^st -6^th pregnancy. Because of her continuous pregnancies, and belief that birth control is sinful, she has grandchildren older than her youngest child. In my opinion that’s a little weird. It’s not uncommon for some people to have a child at 16 then start having more kids when they are at an older age and their first born begins having kids. Michelle Duggar is not in this similar boat. I cannot imagine my aunt who has several grandkids having more children of her own this late in life {even if she was able to bare children at her age.}

So Josh Duggar is now parading around giving his opinion on the negatives of homosexuality and negativity of gay marriage. Something I disagree with entirely. Most concern that has floated around is that people say “How can you be against gay marriage and be a child molester.” Alright, so I’m going to preface with saying he was in the wrong for touching females inappropriately. It is a completely different ball game than homosexuality and the current issues he is preaching.

Everyone is a sinner, and people tend to judge others for how they choose to do their sinning. He was 14 (I think) when these “inappropriate touching’s” occurred, I don’t think he should be judged on something that happened so long ago. Frankly I blame his parents. They are too busy popping out kids and the inability to give each child an appropriate amount of attention could have caused these negative events.

I’m by no means saying what he did was okay, but it isn’t something worth judging him on now regardless of how closed-minded he is. According to the information given by Michelle and JimBob Duggar the inappropriate touching was done over the clothing and was touching a females breast while she was asleep. The victim did not even realize they had been touched, no one would have known had Josh not come clean to his parents about his negative activity. (Sounds like a cry for attention!) As far as I know there was no sexual intercourse, or any forced touching of genitals to his victims. Once again, it doesn’t make the act okay just because it wasn’t more serious, but I find these offenses to be rather mild. The fact it was done to his sisters makes it disgusting, but not as strong of an offense. 

The Duggar family did the right thing by getting him help, and having him confess to law enforcement, but they should have gotten a better counselor that some random family friend with no psychological degree to do the rehabilitation process.

I realize not everyone will agree with my opinion, but I think it is very important to realize we shouldn’t judge him for being a bigot because he is a “Child molestor” and against homosexuality. Those topics are not related AT ALL! Rather I just judge him for his beliefs because he is a closed minded person. I feel that God loves all his children regardless of the sexual orientation. We can twist the bible any way we like depending on the situation at hand. In the end Josh Duggar is a closed minded person who made repulsive mistakes, but we all sin differently.

Fighting a Battle and being a Hero doesn't Always Include Carrying a Gun!

After neglecting my blog for quite a few weeks I have soooooo much to say about recent news that has come about. To keep from writing a novel this post is going to touch on that of Caitlyn Jenner! I’ll get to Josh Duggar here in a few days.

To begin as it is no surprise if you have read previous posts on my blog, I am very for LGBTQ rights, and all that goes along with acceptance of those who do not identify as heterosexual. People are very split with Caitlyn and whether they see her as strong, or someone who is attempting a publicity stunt. I have seen various posts that touch on both sides. It makes me physically sick to hear some of the negativity of those who are not accepting of the way Caitlyn felt as Bruce, they are too busy scrutinizing an issue they have never struggled with. It is easy to judge someone’s feelings when you’ve never struggled with them yourself.

A statement I keep seeing pop across my timeline is that of “Bruce is no Hero” and that we are ignoring the real hero’s who fight for our country or do services that save lives. Heros come in all types, being the role model to a community who gets a lot of negative feedback and treatment really does count as a heroic act. No one ever said that soldiers over seas are Not heroic, they are just fighting a different battle. There is a huge down play on the idea that Caitlyn has been living a life as a man and not being comfortable. When it comes down to it he was risking so much as a previous Olympian, and the father of some very famous daughters. There are so many kids out there who struggle with similar feelings, now that there is a figure in pop culture that has risked it all to be comfortable in HER own skin it is beyond heroic for those who need a role model.

This post appeared on my timeline the other day. It left me outraged. (Mind you this is a biological never transitioned male writing this) 

People don’t seem to understand what Caitlyn was going through as Bruce. Having feelings that you are not comfortable with the “Gender” you were assigned, and knowing something is always off is a depressive situation for those who have such feelings. When Bruce came out about his true feelings he had quite a bit to loose. He has a family with many children, there was no way he could bare having them disown him for the change he made. Having been brave and taking on a new life to make him comfortable physically could have ruined him emotionally, even more than when he had to hide his identity.

No one ever wants to be judged for the person they are. Celebrities are the same way. When we post hurtful comments on twitter to Nicole Polizzi (Snookie) saying “she is a mess who should never reproduce”,  we are in the wrong. Regardless of mistakes she made she shouldn’t be treated as unfit for her life, a life that is quite successful regardless of how it started.

Many people like to put out these Bible versus saying how the life of a Homosexual, Transgender, Bisexual, etc. is wrong… But we all sin in our own ways. And by tearing down others for their lifestyle you are being just a bad in the eyes of God. I strongly believe God knew what he was doing when he created Bruce Jenner; God knew that one day there would be a lesson he could share through the transition of Bruce becoming Caitlyn.

If you haven’t watched the interview Bruce did before his transition on 20/20  (I think…) I strongly urge you to do so.  I was able to stream it on Hulu. It was very eye opening and shows that there is more to this person that that of confusion. She was never confused, just unable to carry out the lifestyle that made her most happy and comfortable.

It is important to note that only one’s self can choose how to identify sexually. Caitlyn says she is straight. Being a female does not lend her to the idea of enjoying men, she still likes women. Although she now identifies as a female she also identifies as straight, which in her terms of liking, and wanting to be with, women. It may not be how some people see things to make sense, but that is how she identifies, and she is the only one who can make that distinction on her sexuality and gender.

This link goes to one post that I very much enjoyed reading and applaud the writer immensely. Please take time to read and think about how sin is defined before passing judgment on others.

PPPS: Here are some Previous posts from my blog that give some insight to similar topics. 

America Needs Equal Rights...NOW!

Celebrities are people too.

Drag Queens

“It’s your wedding, do what makes YOU happy…but don’t DO THAT!”

I can’t even begin to explain how stressful it can be to plan a wedding, especially when you are the one writing all the checks and making all the plans. Short of being a Bridezilla, I have a very specific list of things I need from the venue where I spend my special day, and those I have to pay to ensure it all goes smoothly. I don’t feel the need to waste money on a wedding planner who will spend my money their way, I know how to use Google, make phone calls, and plan a glorified party.  My biggest stress lies with people who seem to think they know how to plan my special day for me, and I’m not talking about a wedding planner.

I’ve been victim multiple times to family members telling me things like “It’s your day and it should be everything you ever wanted!” That is sweet, and I agree with the statement, but when I share ideas with my family about ideas I have I get told “You shouldn’t do that for XYZ reason!”

 An example was I initially wanted to have my wedding in the winter because that was when my fiancé and I got together, and it was important to put those memories into our special day. After mentioning my expected date I was told, “That’s going to be COLD!” “What if there is snow!” etc… Just recently I decided to make the date in May because I couldn’t wait much longer to marry Matt. This brought up new conflict “What if it isn’t warm enough yet?” I honestly can’t win! I also had a family member on Matt’s side say,  “You should wait till June… I’ll still be in my program in Spain….” Then proceeded to tell me that their plans trump my wedding and they wouldn’t come back early to make it.

Another note that I wanted to include for the wedding was to have a taco bar for food, it is different and it was the meal Matt and I shared on the day we started dating and something we both enjoy! Several people, including my mom (sorry mom), have said, “what if someone doesn’t like tacos?” My biggest response has been “THEN THEY CAN STARVE!!!” I realize not everyone is going to like my choice in food, but I can’t tiptoe around every possibility of dislike.

I understand some people won’t make it to my big day, and not everyone will like the food I choose. I’ve done my best to accommodate everyone to the best of my ability, but I can’t make everyone happy…. Frankly I shouldn’t have to accommodate to anyone except Matt and myself! I just seem to be struggling with people who say, “it’s your day, and it should be the way you want it, but don’t do this!” I understand people think they are being helpful, and are “trying” to give me possible issues that may arise… but as a college graduate I am well aware of the fact things may not be picture perfect for everyone involved. Trying to offer ideas and make suggestions is one thing, but telling me that my idea is flawed really gets under my skin. I already have to stress about how much this will set me back on top of paying off my school loans, I don’t need negative feedback for how I want to spend the one day that I should remember for the rest of my life! This day is to start the rest of my life with the Man I love, I don’t particularly care if it fits the taste of those I invite to share in my celebration.

I’m Sorry! Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours???

So my fiancé touched on a similar topic within his blog, and this topic has been on my list for quite some time.

One thing I CAN NOT stand is being interrupted. I feel like when I was growing up me and my best friend would be scolded for interrupting our parents. Something I assumed most parents taught their kids. Being interrupted is something I struggle with often, especially with certain people I communicate with; it also tends to happen when I am with more than one person at a time. Occasionally when I am with two friends I will begin talking about something and they will interrupt to say something on a similar note.

Example

me “The other day I was on Facebook..”

friend: “OMG, today on Facebook so and so mentioned about being (fill in the blank)….

Me: “Oh, yeah that’s interesting. Well when I was on Facebook I saw on my timeline….”

Friend: “Yeah I couldn’t believe they would do that!!!”

I can’t seem to get back to what I was saying, and the new topic has been dominated by whatever this person feels to be more important.

Another issue I run into is as I am talking someone will be scanning through their phone and see something interesting (text message, Facebook post, Tweet, etc.) and then interrupt me with whatever it is they see!  What is worse is when they keep doing it, I can’t get out a complete thought as they continue to change topics to whatever runs across their minds or cell phones. How hard is it to hold on to your thought or say, “When you are done I have to tell you something!” My fiancé has learned to wait until I’m done because after being interrupted several times I give up on whatever it was I was going to say, and refuse to go further.

 

The worst type of interruption that I have been victim to is talking about something and the other person brings up something completely irrelevant to what I am saying, and continues to talk about it as if I was never speaking in the first place. This makes me feel like they weren’t even listening to me. It could even be read as arrogance. In my opinion when someone does this they are only thinking of themselves and what is on their mind with no respect for the other half of the conversation.

Unfortunately there isn’t much I can do to fix these situations, especially for those who find their thoughts to trump anything I could ever say. In my opinion this is a rude habit for people to partake in, and is something that will eventually lead to them rarely having successful conversations in the future.  

Besides being interrupted I hate having to repeat myself because someone is not paying attention. I had an old friend who would almost make me repeat myself every other sentence because she wasn’t paying attention.  It’s one thing if you cannot hear me, it’s another if you are wasting my breath by being discourteous. I eventually told this friend “I’m going to quite re explain myself, I’m tired of you not listening the first time.” Rude?? Maybe. Necessary for my sanity? Absolutely!

I encourage people to check themselves and pay attention to these social faux pas. I can guarantee it would irk anyone to be interrupted, so why do it to others? I understand they may not realize they are doing it, but I was raised to not be rude!

Finding Leo

Last Saturday morning I met my Fiancé for breakfast, after I finished eating my Pancakes I look at him and asked, “How is kitten doing?” He asked me “are you done eating?” I looked confused and said “yeah…” He then proceeds to tell me that the back door was left open and Leo got out.  I immediately began to cry, and freak out! My two-year-old kitten was out in the woods, cold, hungry, and alone.

I told my fiancé I was going to his place to find the cat, ran out of the restaurant, and cried the whole way home. I spent the whole day bawling my eyes out and walking around the neighborhood shaking a can of treats and calling his name. (It was beyond pathetic looking.)  Over the next two days he hadn’t returned. I posted his picture all over Facebook, added him to the Indy lost pet website, and even put up flyers around the complex.

For the most part people were super helpful and encouraging about us finding our baby, most people shared about their kitty’s who came back after a few days, and that they were alright! However,  I ran into my fair share of rude people who didn’t seem to be as nice about it. As we walked around hanging flyers there was a guy who tried to be nice and say “Yeah my cat got out a while ago, then a few weeks later I found him dead in a bush by my front door.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME! That was beyond what I wanted to hear, and it was super insensitive.  The next day I got home from checking the Animal control shelter and when I returned noticed all the flyers I posted were all ripped off the doors. I initially thought it was the complex, but the flyers in the other section of the complex were still in tact. So someone deliberately went around and ripped all my LOST kitten flyers down. That was incredibly rude.

I know it seems crazy that I was so freaked out about a cat, but I put so much love into this creature. He really is a part of our family, and like my child. I love him SOOO much, it was painful not to know where he was, if he was safe, or if he was alive. Not knowing was worse than putting him down due to old age or sickness. At least when I put down previous pets I knew where they were and had that feeling of closure.

Regardless of the jerks out there I had quite the support system from Facebook friends, even those who I don’t talk with much. They shared my posts to get the word out and gave me encouraging words and helped me keep hope. I couldn’t thank them enough for everything they have done over those few days. I also want to give a huge thank you to our friend Rachael who brought us some no kill traps to help corner our baby and keep him from running off after he came home. We put the traps up Saturday and filled them with cat food. Monday morning at 4am he returned and my heart filled with SOOO MUCH JOY!

Heartwarming words from Facebook! :) 

He returned a little lighter, very hungry, and with some sneezes and itchy eyes. I took him to the vet Wednesday and got him all fixed up with some shots, and medicine for his leaky eye. Although he is not a fan of the medicine he as been super cuddly since he came home, and extremely loving.  I would never wish the feeling of losing a pet on anyone. I honestly don’t understand how parents deal with kidnapped children, or runaways! I cried every single day, and felt pain in my heart, but I also prayed… It may not be how everyone deals with similar situations, but it was important and worked for me.

If you ever lose a pet be sure to post about it with local shelters, and check local animal control centers. I didn’t give up a single day, and he finally came home. I couldn’t be happier to have him back, and although I appreciated him before, I appreciate him 100 times more now.

PPPS: Check out my new video on YouTube