She won't see me walk down the Aisle...

On December 30^th 2009 this is what I posted to Facebook.

Fast forward to now, I am two graduations down and one wedding ahead of me. It hasn’t been all bad, but I have yet to struggle with one of the biggest issues I have yet to face when it comes to my mothers involvement in a big part of my life along with her lack of sight. I keep reminding myself it could be worse, at least she is here for my big day, and can still hear the vows.

(Side note I am in public writing this holding back every emotion so I can look like a sane individual!)

This is difficult on multiple levels. My mother has never seen my fiancé, she only knows his soul, and luckily he has won her over. She has turned down all invites to my dress fittings because she doesn’t want to be a “bother” since she cannot see. She hasn’t been apart of any of the planning I’ve done in preparation, no wedding venue visits, bridesmaid’s dresses, or tastings.  I know it pains her not be a part of these events because she cannot be present in an aspect she was use to for the first 47 years of her life.

I cant help but tear up over the fact she will not see me walk down the aisle, she will not see my dress, and she will not see our first kiss as husband and wife. This is coming off extremely selfish, but its hurtful because I know she’s hurt that she is missing out. Ever since I received the news that she was blind these thoughts have loomed over me.

I’m taking extra percussions to assure she can get the most out of this day with what senses she still has. If I can’t find a microphone and speaker to use while saying my vows I will put her right next to the preacher so she can hear every word. I am trying to remember this is not just a day for me, but also a celebration of my parents giving me away to Matthew.

She may be blind, but she will still feel my dress, hear my vows, and smell my bouquet. Knowing she is still with me is a blessing, she is super strong, and I know she will be happy about my big day regardless of what she can (in this case can’t) see.

5 Months Before losing her sight

It makes me want so badly to remind those of you whose mothers (and fathers)

are in good health to take advantage of everything they will get to experience in your life. Although my mom couldn’t see me walk across the stage at both my high school and college graduation she listened HARD to hear my name. I know her physical presence is better than none at all, and for that I am extremely grateful.

I cannot stress enough how people take their parents and loved ones for granted; I know I did. It all boils down to the good ole saying “ you don’t know what you have till its gone.” If anything I hope this post gives readers a reminder to cherish the simple things in life that God blesses us with.