Sleeping is stressful...

I know I’m not alone when I say I have difficulties sleeping at night, many people suffer from insomnia, bad dreams, and skewed sleep schedules. Something I have struggled with for years are dreams about working. No matter what jobs I’ve held I dream about being at work and it is always the most stressful of situations that I am forced to deal with in real life re-imagined by my mind into even more un-manageable nightmares.

These dreams first occurred when I was seventeen and working at the local tanning salon where I lived in Florida. I would be sleeping and think there were customers in my room and I would be sitting up in bed talking to my regulars trying to sell them lotions and put them in tanning beds…. These were the most mild, they were most stressful because they woke me up and I felt like I was ignoring people if I didn’t do anything.

These dreams grew exponentially worse when I began serving in College. The dreams were not waking me up, but they were stressful situations such as not being able to greet my tables, getting double sat, having issues ringing in food and not being able to find what I needed (basically taking FOREVER)! The problem with these dreams is they stressed me out in my sleep and kept me from feeling rested the next day. I still continue to have these dreams even though I work that position part time.

The dreams are becoming terrible at my current job too. I currently work as an ABA therapist helping children who have autism. I was up majority of my night last night thinking I was trying to provide services to one of my clients. It was at the point where I was half awake moving stuff in my bed and thinking the child was in front of me. I’ve even been having dreams about kids I don’t work with directly, hearing their screams or behaviors and feeling stressed that there is nothing I can seem to do to fix it.

Part of this job requires me to correct bad behaviors such as children voiding themselves or engaging in aggression/destruction. It is already difficult some days to deal with it in person, but dreams always seem to feel like I’m trudging through quick sand and unable to move fast enough. I’m not sure how to go about correcting this issue, but I am willing to try anything.

Part of me knows I take my positions seriously, if I didn’t it wouldn’t bother me when these things were going on, but that is the difference between me and someone who just does their job for money.

Recently I’ve been planning my wedding for next May, holding two jobs (for no good reason), and trying to make time for everyone in my life. I don’t remember a weekend I haven’t been on the move. Working roughly 7 Days a week for 60ish hours really makes me tired, but being unable to have restful sleep is making it even harder. I know I’ll finally catch a break where I’m not doing anything for a few hours and eventually feel bored, but for now I feel like I’m moving at 100 MPH and still not being able to breathe.  I haven’t even had time to keep up on my blog/youtube due to life. I feel like finding time to shower and do laundry is hard. I can’t imagine having children when I can’t even make time for myself.

After spending four years in college and getting in a job in my field it’s worth it to know at least I’m busy and not jobless living off mom and dad. Just let me say how awful it is when I’m putting in all these hours and that girl from high school whose now a stripper posts a photo of her new BMW… Lucky for me my degree will last longer than my youth and ability to swing on a pole.