"Lighten up, it's Vegas!"

There isn't much I get upset by (socially), and I hardly bat an eyelash when it comes to people being vulgar. 

Last Night we walked the Strip of Las Vegas, lights bright, the smell of smoke, and feelings of lost wages. Every corner you walk past there is a person handing out cards with naked woman exposed on the front, giving them to every male that passes by. Although I don't care for that, it's expected and understood as a local norm. 

Besides the various card pushers there were the occasional man offering free entrance to a strip club promising cheap drinks, free limo rides, or exotic women. This isn't something that even struck me... until I got to one gentleman who said "Strippers, hot Brazilians, and autistic bi****s!" And some (R words were thrown). I immediately turned and said "I work with children who have autism and that is extremely offensive!" His response "lighten up, it's vegas!" 

I was fuming. 

You would never say those "N word, B words"... don't use mental disabilities as your ploy for hustling people into a club. True or not you don't label people in that manor. The combination of those words sent me spiraling. I realize things aren't always politically correct around here, but that should not fly. I would have had the same reaction if they said "transvestite" or "midget".... (apologies for the derogatory language, but this context is not meant to offend).

People irk me on many levels, and I'm all about free speech, but the use of misplaces labels to make your establishment sound like a sideshow act is offensive to those who have autism, and us who love them. If I wasn't so tired at the time I would have ripped him a new one. It's one thing to not know better... but don't play it off like it's no big deal and shouldn't be taken so seriously. It's serious to the millions of families who love someone on the spectrum, we don't see it as a good way to get attention of people walking the street. 

I doubt I changed his stance on using the words, and maybe my anger was misplaced on an ignorant low life, but I'd rather be seen as stupid for saying how I feel, rather than look like I'm okay with those words by keeping my mouth shut. 

I Have NO Compassion for Others...

A few years back (2014) I wrote a post about a girl I knew who was being charged for murdering her 9-month-old daughter. The post was not intended to slander her name, she had already done that on her own. Flash-forward to this year, I received a comment on that post which got my attention because it missed the point of what I was trying to say and managed to make a personal attack. As usual the person who made the comment did not share their identity, not shocking for an internet troll. 

This is my response to the comment as well as why I feel it is important to not take all comments seriously.

I would first like to state that the comment did not anger me, nor did it make me cry. I realize my blog is not for everyone, and I will always appreciate opinions from others, good or bad.

The post is linked here for anyone curious on what I had said to render such response.

This is the comment that was left.

I would first like to address one issue regarding the previous post about Apryl. The comment stated, “Ever thought that maybe Apryl was damaged by her obviously insane mother, and that cruelty breeds cruelty?”

            I 100% agree with this statement, it is not incorrect! She very well could have been carrying baggage passed on by her mother, but in all reality that is not an excuse. Tons of children are victims to abuse, cruelty, and violence… it doesn’t mean they have a right to continue on spreading vicious actions. Regardless of your upbringing you don’t have a right to continue down a violent path even if that was one you were subject to. I’m also sure the stranger commenting was not intending this to be the idea taken… HOWEVER, it is not an excuse to harm, or allow others to harm, your child. So I have to disagree that her mother’s actions should make hers’ reasonable to commit.

As far as being judgmental or having zero compassion…. I have compassion for the baby who lost its innocent life, the father who may never have closure for losing his baby girl, and the families of Apryl and her boyfriend who have to deal with the shame they brought upon them. I don’t have compassion for murderers or bad parents. Maybe the person writing does not have children or know what it is like to love a child, so they side with the criminal due to her poor upbringing. Either way, I know where to place compassion for people.

[The Personal ATTACK]

Bringing me to my next point. The reader obviously knows of my background as an ABA Therapist. They said that they “feel bad for my clients.” I don’t feel bad for them, they are great kids who have amazing families and therapists in their lives teaching them and helping others understand their needs and abilities. My clients hug and kiss me, their families call upon me to babysit, and I have an unbreakable bond with them regardless of what an outsider sees. I wouldn’t trade the clients I work with for anything.

Other than working with children who have autism, I have a mother who became blind at the age of 47. Not just “legally blind”… 1000% can’t see, needs a cane, and requires others to drive her places, blind. (as well as memory issues) I think I know how to be a compassionate individual when it comes to those who “live harsher, much trickier, lives.” Don’t get me wrong, I struggle with my kids and my mother; not knowing exactly how they feel is extremely difficult, but that doesn’t mean I have ZERO compassion for them.

Finishing up my teenage years without my mother’s ability to see affected me greatly. This led to other difficulties in our lives. I’ve moved past that, I don’t blame others for their ability to see, I don’t hold grudges towards people who make silly comments like “are you blind?” when I miss the big picture. We have to get over our struggles and live life with good morals and the ability to see things from all perspectives.

 If the reader who commented feels I lack that ability (compassion) due to my outlook on Apryl’s crimes, then that’s okay. We don’t have to agree on a level of understanding one another. I may not understand the person who wrote these words. They very well could have endured many struggles and choose to blame others that they deem as “having it easy.” They don’t seem to personally know me, otherwise they may have approached this differently. As time goes on I hope that anonymous can put their struggles behind them rather than lash out on others. Moving forward in life I may forget about Apryl, just as I will forget about the reader who left this comment. Those people aren’t what is important to me, my husband, family, friends, and my clients are the ones I choose to worry about as my days go on.

PPPS: Taking time to understand ones misfortunes can be useful when looking at issues in their lives, but not all issues can be excused because of it.

Dear Stranger,

 You may not even see this. But I hope that you are able to tackle you demons and rise above whatever you may be dealing with. I can tell the previous post affected you personally; I apologize if it triggered you. Just know that not everyone may deal with the same struggles, but almost everyone deals with their own struggles. I’m sure you and me may even know some similar ones… And as far as “asking for the manager” I’m still a server part time and I guarantee my compassion for servers is much greater than most. So in a way, your vision of me “asking for the manager” is correct, because I often call on mine to comp food for tables that have waited too long for their meals. My compassion in that department is covered, but I appreciate your concern.

He Cheated On Me*

***Spoiler Alert: My husband never cheated on me!***

One thing I have never once worried about in my marriage is my husband cheating on me! He is the most genuine man in my life and I never have to worry about him doing anything to hurt me. This man has never even called me a B****, even though I have deserved it many times over. Yes my husband and I argue, just as any NORMAL couple does, but we are extremely happy and I’ve never worried about infidelity.

The unfortunate truth is that he is the ONLY man who I’ve never worried about cheating on me. Since the 8^th grade I’ve dated 6 guys, including my now husband. Out of those men I was cheated on by 3; 50% of the men I dated were cheaters.

The worst part of these statistics was that the first time I was cheated on was in the 8^th grade… Lets just say I wasn’t willing to do things he felt were necessary.

Before it was even on my radar that he had actually cheated on me I had a dream about what he did, and in my dream I even knew the girl who he cheated on me with. She was a girl who lived down the street from him and rode his bus. (Her and I never got along.) So one day when he and I were walking around the lake near his house I told him about my “ridiculous” dream, and he got very defensive (which I thought nothing of at the time).  After days had passed the girl that lived down the street from him had message me on Myspace about the very issue I had dreamt about, and it wasn’t until I 2-way called him, with her on the other line, that he confessed.

The other significant time was when I was in high school, and my boyfriend at the time took multiple chances to break my heart. He had this habit of looking for something else; I just feel bad for his current girlfriend, I hope he’s treating her better than he treated me, but he was also extremely abusive emotionally (cheater or not he’s kind of a jerk). We decided to stay together even though I moved away to another state, I knew in my heart that wasn’t going to work, but I was 17 and didn’t know better. Sure enough one day after school I get a Facebook message from some girl I didn’t know who spilled the T about what he did. He quickly confessed when I cornered him over the phone. Unfortunately I didn’t get the hint and I gave him a second chance…

We obviously broke up. The interesting part is he broke up with me the day after I shipped out his Christmas gifts; I was on my way to the mall for my shift when he called to break the news. Shortly after Christmas he called trying to get back with me, I said “no thanks.” I knew in my heart he probably only broke up with me to get with another girl for a few days then when it didn’t work out he figured he could ask for me to take him back. Regardless, I finally realized that staying with him was going to be a poor idea, and I haven’t really talked to him since. Fun fact: he was a pathological liar, I seem to be drawn to those who lie like it’s their job, but that’s a story for another time.

Like many woman I’ve been dumb enough to take back a cheater, it’s all too common for women to do that, and we need to realize we are worth more than a mans poor choices. Your partner should always be the only person you have “eyes” for, no questions asked. People define cheating differently, but in all reality any relationship that goes further than one you would have with a sibling is ill and unwarranted when they are not your significant other.

My stories weren’t ones that ended in divorce, and lucky for me I was able to come out ahead with a man who never makes me think twice about the strength of our relationship.  Unfortunately, there are many men and women out there who don’t have that luxury of stability with their significant other. All said and done, I am thankful for my husband and hope that anyone who reads this who may be questioning their current relationship knows their worth, and will stand up for themselves.

On another note, if you know someone who is going through issues of infidelity understand that you cannot force them to leave their partner if they do not want to. Support them and guide them, but don’t cast them out or call them weak for not standing up for themselves. For those who are married divorce may not be an option, and if they are willing to work through their problems that is admirable; but we will never know their true relationship and what they have gone through. To sum up a long-winded scenario of possibilities we must always do what is best for us while guiding others with the best of our knowledge. We must also consider not everyone’s situations are similar to our own, and we cannot fix problems that do not belong to us.

I hope that no one has to feel the pain of being cheated on, but it is extremely common these days, and with the internet providing silly gimmicks like Ashley Madison we can be certain people are making these poor choices regularly. Everyone has worth, and if the person you are with cannot see that worth, then they should most likely not be “worth it” to you.

Plus Sized??? Seriously??

Tonight I was scrolling through my Facebook and saw that Calvin Klein has signed their first Plus Sized model…. Typically I would congratulate such an influential company for making this leap, but I have to say I was confused when I saw the model.

She is hardly “Plus Sized,” or even what I would consider to be plus sized. She’s not “too” skinny as previous models have been… But she is not what I would imagine when they say “Plus Size.”

As a “plus sized” woman myself I feel the term has less negative connotation as it did when we were first using it. It should never be used negatively. That being said, those who are actually modeling “plus sized” clothing for stores like Forever 21 and H&M are closer to what I think the term represents. This model, Myla Dalbesio, seems to represent more of an average girl. She still fits into the regular sizes at stores, rarely has to put clothes back because they make her look fat, and has minimal rolls when she bends over.

She is very beautiful, fit, and possibly a size 10 (8)

because she has wide hips. She would never be called “curvy” because she has some extra meat around her mid line or hips. To me it doesn’t scream what a plus size model is.

All of that being said, why do we have to label models with the term Plus size? Why can’t we just put a girl who is a size 14 in CK clothes, take her photo, and encourage woman of that same size to wear the brand?!  When we shop at clothing stores why is there a separate section for curvy woman, they should just make their regular clothes in larger sizes! I realize that some clothes would not look the same on a size 2 and a size 14, but they should still allow the option for buyers. Not every plus size woman is built the same but still require a larger size than just a large (or what stores label as large).

This battle is one I’m sure we will be fighting for years to come, but it still infuriates me that we have to label sizes and body types when making clothing and seeing models in ads. I would really like to see woman represented in all brands and sizes without labels. Companies and magazines say they sign these “plus size” girls to seem more relatable, and likely to have more buyers, but they aren’t actually representing what they are trying to sell.  Editing still happens and ideals are still skewed. 

I also did some research on Myla and found her wikipida page which states she is now a size 8 and no longer holds a title for “Plus sized”

PPPS:

I enlisted the help of my husband to help me take photos… real plus size. If Clavin needs help with this definition he call me and I’ll be happy to help.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Model vs. Normal

PPPS: My photoshop is a bit rough....

Super Bowl Body Shaming #BornThisWay

I wanted to take a moment to touch on this previous Super Bowl Half Time show!

First things first, Lady Gaga was absolutely amazing! Her LIVE vocals were on point, she strutted across the stage in heels with poise, and she JUMPED OFF THE FREAKING ROOF! If the stadium had a roof she would have BLOWN it off! I’m pretty biased because I have been a Gaga fan since Just Dance and Starstuck took over the radio in 2008. She is one of my idols, and I even did a project on her in my college communications course. When I was 19 I visited my Dad in NYC and before we went to see Wicked he took me to her families restaurant (Joanne Trattoria) for dinner. I was so elated… I was even brought to tears after I met her mother. I could go on for days as to why she is absolutely amazing in all that she does.

As a lady myself I know the difficulties and pressures society puts on us to be thin. After her outfit change on stage, Gaga wore a two-piece outfit; similar to ones she has worn in many performances before. This time, like others, she has been faced with media saying, “she’s too fat” or “her gut was hanging over her pants.” ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! You just saw the result of HOURS of preparation, years of songs, and hard work by not only Gaga, but her costume creator, her back up dancers, her band, and every single person around the stage adding light effects to the performance, and YOU are judging her BODY! That woman has to be a size six at MOST! She is beyond healthy and shows that she has more talent than the majority of the Americans watching the show.

We strive as an Internet society to stop body shaming, we can’t make fun of a woman for being overweight, or say something about someone anorexic. So why do we get to do such things to someone because they are famous. Regardless if we try to stop this garbage talk it still happens, and it is a constant flow from people behind a computer screen. People never say anything publicly because that would be too difficult; it’s easy behind a keyboard to write these hurtful words.

If these people put their pictures on the Internet in the same outfit the comments they write would make more sense. She puts herself out there as an Artist to preform and provide entertainment. If you aren’t entertained change the channel or entertain yourself. Her body, ANYONES body, is not our problem or concern. As many would say, “No wonder women are so self conscious.” They are faced with negative media about a woman whose body would be coveted by the majority.  If I was able to fit into that outfit and look half as good as her I would be ecstatic!

 

Regardless, if I see anyone on my Facebook page or YouTube subscription body shaming her, or any other woman, I will be deleting them. If you wouldn’t say that comment about your own mother, don’t say it about a stranger!

Fortunately, Gaga has taken a wonderful stance on the shaming she has received. She is extremely admirable, and continues to show she is a fantastic role model. Unfortunately, not all women are this strong and resilient, but I hope that her example will continue to empower females, and males, around the world.  

Gaga's Response