You're entitled to your feelings!

I'm slightly livid because I feel like there is so many times where people can't do me favors or treat me with respect, but expect me to do things for them. I don't know that my reasons are valid, or that I am "right," but that is how I feel. 

This may come off rant like, it sort of is, I just feel like people are so self absorbed. I'm completely sick and tired of people asking me what is wrong then getting mad because they don't like my reason... Example: If I were to bring up to a friend that I was mad at the way they ignored me then I get a response like "You always think people are out to get you, no one is ignoring you, and you need to quit taking things so personal." Now this exact issue has not happend... But it's what I'm forced to deal with. Why do people ask you what's wrong, or say "I want to help you, but you never tell me whats going on" then get mad at you for why you feel the way you do. 

Feelings are important to people, very rarely are they ridiculous, or un-called for. Most of the time poeple do not just make up feelings in order to cause problems. If anything people keep their feelings to themselves in fear of being judged. I am one of those people who is scared to share my feelings with others because people have proved to me they either do not take me/my problems seriously, or they don't care enough to actually hear me out. 

I am beyond frustrated at this moment, I'm sure people can relate. It's hard to ball up and tell someone they are hurting you, or that they are doing something you are not a fan of. Why do people shut you down when they do not agree. People do it all the time, they don't like what they hear, or feel threatened, so they retaliate in forms of either defense or just ignoring you all together. 

It gets old having to keep to yourself, especially when things begin to eat at you. I know there are some things better left un-said, but then again why should I have to hold back to spare someones feelings when they don't think about me long enough to care how I feel when they treat me poorly. Many of this can go back to the list of things I wrote about in my post about "being a good friend." 

Like many adults I don't take kindly to people telling me what to do. What I hate more is when I offer so much of myself to someone and they could care less about how they treat me as a person. Now something worse... people who try to tell me what to do why they wouldn't allow me to treat them the same way! Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I do take things personally, but those are my FEELINGS! 

Don't make someone feel bad for the way they feel. Don't treat someone in a way you wouldn't like to be treated. (This is basic information you learn in pre-school.) Give your friends and family the benefit of the doubt and hear them out, even if you don't like what they have to say, or if it is negative towards you! 

PPPS: I'm entitled to my feelings, my words, and my blog. This blog is one thing I refuse to let someone take away from me, or control. 

Window into my life...

This is the third time i've started this post. I have tons and tons of thoughts flying through my head! I feel like I have shared very little about myself with my readers. Obviously I don't wanna scare anyone with all my petty issues or anything, but there is a huge part of my life that may show more of why I am who I am, or what I deal with home wise. 

So I'll start by saying that I, like many people these days, am a child of divorce. My parents split when I was seven, and as much as it hurt I realize that was the best thing for us. I love both my parents, they are both still in my life, but they were only brought together for one purpose... to create me. That sounds conceited, but that is literally the only positive thing that came from their marriage. 

Fast forward to when I was in the sixth grade, my mom remarried a guy who was not my favorite because I wasn't ready to share her with anyone. As much as I wasn't a fan he was really good to both of us. Although he didn't show much love, he was a good Step Dad... Because of his job we were relocated to Florida my sophomore year of high school. I loved my friends and life in Florida, some things were good to be changed, but I miss the people I met down there more than anything. 

Thanksgiving my Junior year of high school, this holiday fell on the same week as my mom's 47th birthday. Family was in town, and school was on break, I was recently out of a car due to just having crashed my first car the week before. As family was heading home my mom had already been battling a headache for a week (something she thought was a sinus infection). Long story short, it resulted in a trip to the hospital, three brain surgeries, several months in rehab, and blindness. My mother is 100% blind, something she had lived with for exactly 47 years was now gone. 

When we figured out life was too hard taking care of my mother who needed a 24hour care giver at the time, and no family in Florida, we moved back to Indiana for my senior year of high school. I was brought to distress again having to pick up and move, after having practically lost my mother. When I returned I was able to pick up where I left off with friends in Indiana, and was able to start a new life... Again... 

After being at Ball State for two years I learned something else that shattered my world. My step father did not see himself fit to take care of his newly blind wife, and after some awful situations, he left my mom. This was literally the second hardest thing to happen to me; after my moms new disability this came in as a hard second. I still feel abandoned, hurt, lied to, and so many other feelings. (I'll get more into this later when I feel it necessary and comfortable.) 

I have a strong belief that God has a plan. After all i've been through I still believe there is a God, and he has a plan for me. My faith has been tested, and I've been shaken to the ground. I by no means have had the worst life, or the hardest times. People out there suffer through poverty, rape, abuse, and other terrible tragedies. I know my life has not been ALL bad, but I've still taken my fair share of crap. I never expect pity, nor do I think people will understand, but these experiences have shaped me and who I am. I feel like sharing these issues of my life will help people better understand the things I write about, and what may come up on here and on my YouTube Channel. 

The Stress of Syllabus week!

First day of School, First Day of School!

- NEMO

Today was my first day of my senior year at Ball State University!

I only had two classes Psychology of Women at 12, and Counseling Psych at 1, so I'm home and writing this at 2:30!!! As far as grade school and High School goes first days are usually pretty chill, you learn about your teachers, and do boring introduction activities. College can be similar, we tend to call the first week syllabus week, but that only really happens the first day of the class. So the first two days are syllabus days... We learn our professors expectations of us, and what they have planned for exams, books, and extra credit. 

For me these next few days are when I generally begin to panic... "Erica, its only syllabus week, why are you freaking out, there are no serious tests or papers due????" I know you're all thinking this, but for me I can't help but to freak out! The reason I get so stressed out is because I hear all these different classes telling me about these tests, papers, projects, and readings... Im not sure why but my brain begins to think "OMG THERE IS SO MUCH DUE!!" I realistically know its not all due tomorrow, but I still stress that there is so much to do and worry I wont have time to do it all! 

Reminding myself there will be time, and if it were impossible people would NEVER graduate college, helps a little. It can be done, and I always finish everything and do fine! I have never failed a class in college, but I still get these crazy notions I won't be able to do it. I panic, worry, and question why I put myself through this, yet every semester I end with passing grades, and minimal stress. This being my last year as an undergrad you would think I would learn it's all possible, but I tend to think I'm going to fail! I think too far in the future for things out of my control right this moment. 

If anyone has this similar problem take some of my advice that I am attempting to take myself. Make sure you use a planner and write down future tests and papers so you can see how much time is really between you and these tasks you have. Schedule time to work on things you know are coming up, NEVER wait till last minute to start a paper or pick up a book for class. One thing that really helps me when it comes to reading books is breaking them down into chunks. Make time every day to do reading, but give yourself an amount! Examples would be to read 2 chapters a day, or 30 pages, or however it is easily broken down so you aren't searching cliff notes last minute for the synopsis! 

You shouldn't have to schedule your life down to the minute, but you'll know when you have class so it will be easier to schedule reading time, or time for papers.  Knowing what you have to do is important, but stressing about it is horrible for your health! The first few days should be stress free, so I'm doing my best to remind myself everything is in the future and there is time!!!

Responsibility!

This may come off sounding a bit arrogant... but this is my blog and frankly I'll say what I want. I don't think I'm the smartest, most driven, or the best person around. I do, however, honor my responsibilities. 

I go to my classes, take my tests, write my papers, but mainly I show up for work! Everyone complains about having to work! I am the number one of complaining. I may say I don't wanna be there, I can't sand the people I work with, I'm tired, I have better things to do. All of those things may be true, but I NEVER call off work!!!! I never say I'm sick when I'm not, and the only time I ask someone to cover my shift is if something comes up last minute, or if I have a once in a life time opportunity ahead of me. (Like meeting Adore Delano!) 

So basically where I'm going with this is, why is it so hard to keep up with responsibilities?? Why do people put themselves first. I understand we have to look out for ourselves, but the best people out there don't get where thy are because they would rather get drunk than show up for work. 

I'm not attempting to call anyone out. I just have a hard time understanding why people think putting off their responsibilities looks good... They have to know people will begin to think less of them. If you constantly give up work shifts and don't do what you need to make money and stay afloat I can't imagine anyone would want to help you as you begin to sink... If you don't care about yourself when you have the opportunity to stay above water why should anyone care when you are smothered by your own priorities.  

This leads me into a basic concept, choices. We all have choices, they can range from small choices like what to have to drink, or large choices like where to live. We have the opportunity to wish for things, or we can stand up and DO IT! 

You have the choice to either show up and do what you need to do, or you can call in to say your sick and spend the money you could have made at work on alcohol. 

I have too much time in my life to make bad choices, I chose to go to college, go to my classes, show up to my job to make money to pay for what I need and what I want. Don't get me wrong... I AM SUPER LAZY, but I am also super responsible! 

I feel like people don't understand how it looks when they let their responisbilites go in order to have a good time for the moment... In the end it WILL catch up with them!

Why College is better than High School!

         I recently posted a video on my youtube channel for college students and incoming Freshman. Something I didn't get into was the benefits of College over High School.

View the video called "College tips" for more stuff on college related issues! 
YouTube Channel

College can be hard with all the classes you take, books you read, tests, professors... the list goes on. All of that being said there is so much greatness that comes with being a college student. 

First things first, pat yourself on the back!!! You did it, you're a college student! Attending college is something to be proud of, college is no easy task. I'm going to go through a list of things that are awesome about college. 

- You are on your own! You no longer live with your parents. You can be free to explore and do what you want without being told otherwise!

- In addition, for the most part you wont be told no, or that you can't go somewhere! If you wanna go out on a school night and drink... YOU CAN!!!! (I don't recommend doing this..)

- You wont have class from 8-3... There is a good chance you may be able to work your schedule to have off two days a week, or no class on fridays! Forget 7 hour school days!

-There are clubs, groups, and people who will like the same things you do! There is no way you will go around without friends unless you stick in your room by yourself on purpose. 

- You can do things on your own time... No need to answer to parents, or teachers for that matter... 

-When the professor is done teaching you get to leave... you wont have to hang around like in high school...

- If your professor is sick.. there is a good chance that means NO CLASS for you! Unless you have a shitty TA who holds class regardless. 

-You have access to amazing tools like computer programs, gym equipment, opportunities like speakers who come talk about various topics. There are amazing shows to see that are put on by the theater department, or the school brings in cool shows like comedians, musicians, or broadway shows. 

Some people Ball State has had since I started attending. 

- Luke Bryan

- Blue Man Group

- Jason Mraz

- Jim Gaffigan 

- Hunter Hayze

- Florida Georgia Line 

-There are others that may or may not be interesting, or that I 

am unable to think of at the moment. 

College has so many amazing thing to do. Plus there are no longer the cliques that previously existed in high school. There wont be people that will pick on you, and the chances that you'll have to put up with those mean kids that use to poke fun for no reason is practically non existent. You get to escape the life you had regardless of what you use to deal with. This could be negative.. If you use to be popular there is a good chance no one here will care how "cool" you were in high school. No one cares that you were a football player, cheerleader, or voted best dressed! College is a small representation of the real world! No one cares how cool other teenagers thought you were.. now you are just another fish in this GIANT ocean where you do NOT matter! It's a humbling experience!!! 

So you're #Basic??

So according to the dictionary provided by Apple products it is obvious the word "Basic" means exactly what most of us would think, or at least what we learned in school. Now a days basic is a term females use to show that a girl does everything that every other girl does, i.e. indulge in the finer things in life. I took the liberty of looking up "#Basic" on Instagram, I found pictures of Starbucks, Sperry's, VS yoga pants, and girls holding their fingers in a peace sign over their face. 

If you ask me, basic should mean there is nothing special going on, which in most cases there is nothing special about drinking a drink that you can get on any corner in New York City. I think we should use the word "over privileged." Drinking a Starbucks is NOT a basic thing.... it is the Tiffany's of coffee.

I've come across girls who say "wearing uggs, VS yoga pants, and drinking my tall triple soy no whip white mocha! I'm so #Basic" There is NOTHING basic about that. Those boots cost 180 plus dollars, your pants are almost 50 dollars, and that drink is about six bucks!!! Basic would be wearing five dollar leggings from Forever 21 with 20 dollar Target boots, and drinking an 89cent gas station coffee...  

I think the way people use this words is making it seem like they are just the average "WHITE GIRL." 

I don't own sperry's, or uggs because I'm not a shoe person... I do own my fair share of VS Yoga pants, but thats because they are comfortable and durable... not because I want to be like every other girl in a basic pair of brown uggs. I know these things are just good quality, and I'm not against them as an item. I do, however, find it interesting that girls think these items are "Basic." 

I feel this term could be better used towards females who do basic things. What those "basic things" are I don't know... I do know that Uggs, Starbucks, and fifty dollar pants are NOT basic! 

Is ignorance really bliss???

      

Ignorance is only bliss to those who are consumed by ignorance! 

    Life is full of people who are ignorant. Ignorant to ones feelings, ignorant to basic issues, just ignorant to life around them. It has come to my attention people will be stuck in their ways regardless what happens to them or those around them. I will never fully understand peoples thought process on how they act or treat others... Truth is it's NOT my problem. 

For me, accepting peoples ignorance is hard, mainly because it's a frustrating thing to deal with. For example, at work yesterday I was having to serve a table who seemed quiet, and stuck their noses up at me.... as if they were above me! NEWS FLASH i'm working my way through college... no need to play the "whose better than who game." Regardless, their ignorance left me with no tip on a 61$ bill... they left with perfectly full stomaches, plenty to drink, and nothing but smiles throughout their entire meal... I did all I could but wipe their ass for them... Unfortunately that's how serving is... Most people are ignorant to the fact the only money I make is what comes in the form of tips. 

Life goes on, and people continue walking aimlessly in their own little worlds. I feel as though I am open to those and willing to hear out others no matter their issues on a subject, even if it is against me. To my dismay I fully know the feeling of being the only competent one willing to share my ears, heart, and feelings and still be crushed in the end. 

I understand everyone is different on how they handle a difficult situations, and not everyone will see eye to eye on subjects out of their understanding. The word IGNORANT does a great job of summing up those around me, especially at work. 

The main thing I want people to get out of this post is that they wont always come out being understood or taken seriously. People are entitled and don't respect those around them... regardless if you respect them. Keeping a positive attitude over negative situation is the only thing you can honestly do. I am attempting to take my own advice and be the bigger person. I'm coming to realize people will put their own insecurities, problems, and feelings in front of everyone else's... that's just how our society is, they are selfish, self centered, and most of all ignorant.