A few years back (2014) I wrote a post about a girl I knew who was
being charged for murdering her 9-month-old daughter. The post was not intended
to slander her name, she had already done that on her own. Flash-forward to
this year, I received a comment on that post which got my attention because it
missed the point of what I was trying to say and managed to make a personal
attack. As usual the person who made the comment did not share their identity,
not shocking for an internet troll.
This is my response to the comment as well
as why I feel it is important to not take all comments seriously.
I would first like to state that the comment did not anger
me, nor did it make me cry. I realize my blog is not for everyone, and I will
always appreciate opinions from others, good or bad.
This is the comment that was left.
I would first like to address one issue regarding the
previous post about Apryl. The comment stated, “Ever thought that maybe Apryl
was damaged by her obviously insane mother, and that cruelty breeds cruelty?”
I 100%
agree with this statement, it is not incorrect! She very well could have been
carrying baggage passed on by her mother, but in all reality that is not an
excuse. Tons of children are victims to abuse, cruelty, and violence… it
doesn’t mean they have a right to continue on spreading vicious actions.
Regardless of your upbringing you don’t have a right to continue down a violent
path even if that was one you were subject to. I’m also sure the stranger
commenting was not intending this to be the idea taken… HOWEVER, it is not an
excuse to harm, or allow others to harm, your child. So I have to disagree that
her mother’s actions should make hers’ reasonable to commit.
As far as being judgmental or having zero compassion…. I
have compassion for the baby who lost its innocent life, the father who may
never have closure for losing his baby girl, and the families of Apryl and her
boyfriend who have to deal with the shame they brought upon them. I don’t have
compassion for murderers or bad parents. Maybe the person writing does not have
children or know what it is like to love a child, so they side with the
criminal due to her poor upbringing. Either way, I know where to place
compassion for people.
[The Personal ATTACK]
Bringing me to my next point. The reader obviously knows of
my background as an ABA Therapist. They said that they “feel bad for my
clients.” I don’t feel bad for them, they are great kids who have amazing families
and therapists in their lives teaching them and helping others understand their
needs and abilities. My clients hug and kiss me, their families call upon me to
babysit, and I have an unbreakable bond with them regardless of what an
outsider sees. I wouldn’t trade the clients I work with for anything.
Other than working with children who have autism, I have a
mother who became blind at the age of 47. Not just “legally blind”… 1000% can’t
see, needs a cane, and requires others to drive her places, blind. (as well as
memory issues) I think I know how to be a compassionate individual when it
comes to those who “live harsher, much trickier, lives.” Don’t get me wrong, I
struggle with my kids and my mother; not knowing exactly how they feel is extremely
difficult, but that doesn’t mean I have ZERO compassion for them.
Finishing up my teenage years without my mother’s ability to
see affected me greatly. This led to other difficulties in our lives. I’ve
moved past that, I don’t blame others for their ability to see, I don’t hold
grudges towards people who make silly comments like “are you blind?” when I
miss the big picture. We have to get over our struggles and live life with good
morals and the ability to see things from all perspectives.
If the reader who
commented feels I lack that ability (compassion) due to my outlook on Apryl’s
crimes, then that’s okay. We don’t have to agree on a level of understanding
one another. I may not understand the person who wrote these words. They very
well could have endured many struggles and choose to blame others that they
deem as “having it easy.” They don’t seem to personally know me, otherwise they
may have approached this differently. As time goes on I hope that anonymous can
put their struggles behind them rather than lash out on others. Moving forward
in life I may forget about Apryl, just as I will forget about the reader who
left this comment. Those people aren’t what is important to me, my husband,
family, friends, and my clients are the ones I choose to worry about as my days
go on.
PPPS: Taking time to understand ones misfortunes can be
useful when looking at issues in their lives, but not all issues can be excused
because of it.
Dear Stranger,
You may not even see
this. But I hope that you are able to tackle you demons and rise above whatever
you may be dealing with. I can tell the previous post affected you personally;
I apologize if it triggered you. Just know that not everyone may deal with the
same struggles, but almost everyone deals with their own struggles. I’m sure
you and me may even know some similar ones… And as far as “asking for the
manager” I’m still a server part time and I guarantee my compassion for servers
is much greater than most. So in a way, your vision of me “asking for the
manager” is correct, because I often call on mine to comp food for tables that
have waited too long for their meals. My compassion in that department is
covered, but I appreciate your concern.
