What just happened???

Today I attended my last college class, and submitted my final manuscript for my research course. I have NOTHING left to do before I walk across the stage and get my diploma as a Ball State University graduate.

These four years have come and gone so quickly, I couldn’t even begin to explain the happiness that came over me today. For the past few weeks I kept saying, “it hasn’t hit me yet, graduation doesn’t seem real!” Today as I left the library I called my mom and dad to tell them I was DONE… I cried as I thanked them for all their support and standing behind me 100 percent in everything I do. Once I got home I cried a little, out of happiness of course. It finally hit me. After all I put up with these last four years it finally came down to this day, and of course graduation next week.  

 

There isn’t too much more to say…. But it finally HIT ME!!!!

Officially a college grad! I’m getting my bachelor of science in Psychology, with minors in educational psychology, interpersonal relationships, and history!

#TheHuntingGround

When you go off to college you feel your life change, you are off to a new world with new opportunities and endless activities. College should be a place to learn and make friends, but most of all it is a place you will begin to call home. One thing important about “your home” is that it should be a place you feel safe. Tonight I watched the documentary “The HuntingGround,” this movie shared the shocking truth behind sexual assault getting swept under the rug by various Academic Institutions.  I strongly suggest viewing this documentary to gain insight on the serious issue that: not everyone in your life will take care of you, or treat you with the respect you deserve.

Jameis Winston 

Fortunately for me I go to a University that strictly enforces rules against sexual assault and they care more about the victim’s safety than saving face with alumni and parents. This documentary calls out well-known schools that have swept these incidents under the rug and shamed victims for coming forth and “ruing lives of men who were just being men.” Big schools like Florida State ignored, and hid, several rapes committed by their Quarterback Jameis Winston so he could continue playing football; the school/students ran his first victims out of Tallahassee for coming forth. This makes me sick to know that an academic institution would rather expel students for cheating than for sexual assault.  The school is more worried about students violating various publications with plagiarism than violating a woman. Mr. Winston is now going on to the NFL with several accusations under his belt, and he is sure to commit more.

The idea that a prestigious, and assumingly intelligent, academic cooperation doesn’t seem to understand the detrimental effects that come along with such a serious issue is a frightening notion. It is as though one’s safety is compromised if it conflicts with the careers of athletes or potential cash flow from tuition or alumni donations. How can an institution that collects over ten grand a year per students treat that student as insignificant, or let them be treated like an object?

Schools claim that if they publicize such issues it will create conflict between student’s parents, and give a bad reputation. If you ask me, I would be more willing to send my son or daughter to a school that actively takes care of such situations, which almost always occur.  Men and women are saying that the process of reporting such issues becomes more painful than the attack itself. This to me shows that a place one should be calling “Home,” is not a safe place to be.

Unfortunately not all people are good. People will rape, and people will become victims. The problem is that schools are allowing students to feel victimized, and continuing to make them feel as though they deserve their current predicament. These administrators pose more negative consequences to students that cheat and plagiarize, yet allow them to assault one another without batting an eye.

People fail to realize a few things about victims of rape and sexual assault. Women, and men, who are raped are NEVER at fault!!! NEVER. Even if a girl is walking naked down the street she is not asking for sex. If a girl is drunk she is not putting herself in a situation to be taken advantage of.  There are laws in place to say that consent to sex must be a “sober consent,” in other words, any form of alcohol negates a verbal “YES.” Both men and women can be victims of sexual assault; due to our sexist society men rarely come forward, and many incidents go un-documented.  Regardless of who is being assaulted and who is doing the assaulting one thing is always constant, THE victim is NEVER at fault. Even a girl in a tube top and a crotch length skirt flirting with every guy in the bar is not “asking for it.” These ideas seem to be difficult for most to grasp.

Our society has made a majority of victims feel as though their situations are meaningless, or due to some fault of their own. If these administrators put their child in the same position as their students I bet their tune would change dramatically. These schools are money hungry and have shown that the well being of their students comes last to that of outsider’s views and monetary gains.

Part of this documentary focuses on the efforts of two survivors who have made it their mission to help those who have been kept down by these situations. Title XI (9) is a law that holds schools to standards that have been violated when rapes go unreported or ignored. These girls are hero’s, they have helped bring many things to justice, and although things are in the rough state, some institutions are under review and may lose funding if they continue to carry on as they have in these situations.

My hope for the future is that this documentary is seen by everyone, and opens America’s eyes to the seriousness of these offenses. People need to understand that athletics should not be put ahead of RIGHTS. Women shouldn’t be silenced to encourage an offender’s career. Most of all, we need to quit blaming victims of sexual assault!

PPPS: Linked is the website for this documentary and areas where it can be viewed. 

Who is disgusting? (HINT: Not these young girls!!!)

So this topic comes about due to a Facebook post by an acquaintance. I will link the post, its comments, and the video it refers to. I can promise not everyone will see this my way, clearly the few people who responded to this post are not on my side, but I feel I need to speak out against those who don’t know better about the topic.
Scream and Shout(YT Video) watch first!

So as you can see this post is about a YouTube video of a dance showcase with a young dance troop doing a Hip Hop routine. My first impression of this video was “OMG these girls are so high energy, and talented for girls that young.” I was amazed by their talent, and ability, to do this entire dance so flawlessly. Unfortunately I seem to be the only one who feels this way because those who commented on the post make it seem like these girls are strippers and should be shamed for dancing.

I have cousins who danced in similar competitions, and in similar outfits, from elementary up to high school…. So this type of event does not phase me.  I also have a better understanding of what goes into Dance than those who see it as “Shameful” and “Disgusting.” My aunt and uncle forked out 20$ per class; so that could come out to roughly $80 a week just for one daughter to go to class. Not to mention costumes run almost 100$ per outfit, and my cousins did almost 5 dances per competition. This sport is quite expensive; I feel that saying these girls’ parents should be “ashamed” for allowing their daughter in such a sport is ignorant. Parents give up quite a bit to afford this for their daughters, and sons. This is a costly sport; it requires lots of trips to the dance school, and trips to competitions yearly. (Hotel rooms, food, gas, competition fees.)

While these onlookers are only watching a dance they see as “provocative”… they did not seem to take the time to think, “That takes discipline, long hours, and hard work by dance students and their instructors.” These girls work for years to perfect such a talent; dance skills don’t come over night. Mind you, this video is just one of probably several dances these girls performed at this competition. They each probably performed in a ballet, jazz, and some solo/duet dances. So now we have to figure in their ability to learn, retain, and perform several dances. These girls are learning a skill. They are not trying to be sexy or seduce anyone; they are dancing for a competition. They are doing this as their form of competition, just like boys who play football, or any child who plays sports. I could jus as easily say a child in karate is promoting violence and should not be hurting another child, then blame their parents for various ignorant reasons.

Kids could be doing a lot worse than dancing in costumes that are comparable to what most kids wear to the pool. When these girls hit 17 they will probably still be dancing and spending weekends competing. Dance is likely keeping them from drugs, underage drinking, and unwanted pregnancies.  Not to mention these girls are getting good exercise at dance class during the week. Most kids these days are in front of a TV or computer watching garbage and playing mindless games. The sport of dance could take these girls to amazing performing arts schools and give them a future on Broadway! “Call of duty” won’t send your son to the army to save our country.

So as I began this post I texted my lovely cousin Noel and asked her about the numbers that went into her career of dance during her school years. When I told her the nature of my post this was her response.

“Wow, there is so much more to it.  I feel like it was a way to wind down and just move through emotions.  It's like painting, but expressing yourself in a different way.  The first year I didn't dance I felt like a piece of me was missing.  Also, it taught me not to be shy or fear performing in front of an audience.   It has helped me so much through college because I kill every presentation I give now! I even feel like it has taught me a lot about never giving up and understanding what hard work and persistence can do. I honestly wouldn't be the same person today without it!”

Her response made my happy to say she is my cousin, she is very smart and strong, and I can guarantee her dance school helped her to become such a great person!

I would also like to address a few comments that were in this Facebook post.  One person mentioned that this was “degrading to women, and trashy!” I feel that trashy things would include not being able to afford a family you have, yet still have money for habits like smoking and drinking. Trashy is putting your business out on Facebook and letting others hear your drama.  Trashy is when you cheat on your significant other and blame it on your significant other for whatever lame reason. It could be that the person who said “trashy” meant “talent” they both start with a T so there must have been some confusion.

Regardless, I feel those who call eight-year-old girls disgusting for a talent they posses are disgusting for judging a child. Like I said, these girls probably won’t be engaging in dangerous activities or become a Teen mom. Kids could be doing so much worse, just because these girls can move their bodies doesn’t mean they will one day end up on a poll. If you feel that way go to your local strip club and ask the strippers how many of them had actual dance training from the age of 3 to 18!!!  The girls in this video wont be the future strippers, they will be the future Broadway stars and Circus de Soleil cast!

What is Love? (a response)

After posting my previous blog I got this comment from a friend of mine, I felt it was a good thing to share because it shows another side to the topic. I have also included my response to her. I realize my blog comes off one sided, and I realize the issue I brought up previously may not be the view of everyone. I also failed to mention some of my more sympathetic views towards those who do choose to stay in relationships, hence why I included my response to her.

Friend: I love your blog and I think your a good writer. But on this one I have to provide a little of my own insight. It's not that they necessarily want to go back to them, it's because they feel like without them, they are nothing. As someone who had a bad relationship with a person who I thought was my whole world, the love of my life,my future husband, I feel like I can kind of understand what kind of mindset we are in. Now let me clarify I was never in a physically abusive relationship. It was mentally, emotionally, and slightly verbally abusive. Which in my opinion is just as bad. This significant other that we are with make us feel like we are the queen of the world. They treat is with love, kindness and respect. They make us feel as if no one else matters. They want us to be the center of the world and they want everyone else to be jealous of our relationship. So the relationship is wonderful, even amazing at first. You start to think I don't know how I could ever live without him. That's how he reels you. Then after a while they start to belittle you, degrade you, manipulate you, all the while you can't see this because you are so in love with this person you couldn't possibly think they would ever want to change you. Then after the first time you notice they do something like this you think maybe I made a mistake, but then they turn around and do something equally if not more sweet to compensate what they otherwise said or did to you. Making you retract your previous thought. They bring you down so low, so that they are the only one who can lift you up. They make you feel as though you can't live life without them. Making it hard to leave or find someone else. So we can judge all want, and not fully understand what goes through their head, but until we go through something similar ourselves. We can't say things like leave him, or just break up with him. Because as much as we want to, we feel like we can't because we are nothing without them . They have brought our self esteem so low that you feel there is now way it can ever be whole again if you didn't have this person.

Me: I definitely see where you are coming from. One thing I say to friends who I know are in "not so good" relationships is "I can only see what they show me. I don't know about the good times together, and I don't know about all the details of "negative" times. I can only go off what I am provided." I know I don't always have the full picture, but I've learned that sometimes people on the outside can see more because they are not blinded by the few loving and caring things happening on the inside. It's a lot different to say one should leave a relationship when you don't feel the love for the other person they are with. I completely see what you mean, I just know that sometimes we have to look at our better judgment and realize what will make us happier in the long run!

Friend: Yes I agree. I'm not condoning staying in a toxic relationship. But sometimes the best thing we can do as a friend is just listen because sometimes when we hear what we are saying we find the courage in ourselves to get out.

Thanks guys for reading! I love when people give me feedback and respond with their personal views and experiences. Feel free to comment on any of my posts, I will always respond!